6.5 Managing challenging communication situations

But how do we put all this into practice? When dealing with communication confusion or unexpected intentions, one valuable technique is active listening. This technique can be applied at various stages of the communication process.

Active listening is as a powerful approach when one or both communicators perceive that their co-creation of meaning is unproductive. In these situations, we might experience confusion or irritation, be uncertain whether we have been understood, feel that our expectations are not being met or have been breached, or face outright misunderstanding.

Active listening encompasses a mindset characterized by full engagement and immersion in what the other person is saying, coupled with genuine respect. Its focus isn't on proving who is right or wrong but on listening to both the spoken and unspoken aspects of the conversation. The primary goal of active listening is to understand not only what the speaker is saying explicitly but also to discern underlying unspoken expectations, feelings, intentions, and needs. In essence, it revolves around making the other person feel heard, involving the use of all our senses.

Source: Simon Sinek: The Art of Listening, 2022, URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpnNsSyDw-g, accessed on 28.9.2023

Active listening is also a communication technique that can be learned. It involves temporarily putting aside our own opinions, expectations pre-judices and desires. It is only then that we have the ability to truly focus on the communication partner. It is an art which requires practice but brings the greatest gain in information, understanding and results, since it stimulates the thinking process of the communicators because one of the communicators is fully intent on understanding what the other means.

A statement or question from the listener can assist the speaker in elaborating on their thoughts further. It provides them with the opportunity to explain in greater detail what they've already conveyed or to contribute additional information. In intercultural situations, this frequently paves the way towards the co-creation of meaning. In other instances, it can also indicate that both parties comprehend each other's viewpoints, enabling them to gain valuable insights into each other's thoughts and objectives.

In order to initiate active listening, a response can be prompted, for example, for example, by saying:

• I am not sure whether I understand this correctly….
• Could you tell me more about…?
• From my perspective you sound as if….
• You seem to be…? Is that right?
• I would like to summarise what you have said in my own words if I may…?
• So then your idea would be...?
• Could it be that you have the feeling that...?
• I can imagine that it must be annoying that...?
• It almost seems as if you want to say... Is that right?
• You must have had the impression that ...?
• If I have understood you correctly...

In general, we can differentiate between four key abilities which support active listening: Paraphrasing, reflecting content, reflecting and interpreting emotions and reflecting needs (inspired by Cole, Kris, 1999; pp. 140-142.).

Paraphrasing means translating what has been said into one's own words in order to check understanding. Here is an example:

Paraphrasing involves the concept of "reflecting" or rephrasing what someone appears to have intended with their words, but using your own expressions.

Reflecting on content pertains to the skill of prompting for additional information in order to gain a more comprehensive understanding of a situation. Here is an example:

Asking for details not only helps Maya to understand better what happened, it also helps Bruno to broaden his mind, which may already be a step towards the co-creation of meaning.

Reflecting and interpreting emotions refers to showing empathy when the communicator brings feelings to your attention. This could be, for example, when they appear to be upset, angry or excited.

Here is another example:

Reflecting emotions acknowledges that a message is always accompanied by feelings and emotions of different intensity. Acknowledging feelings not only heightens the communicator’s awareness of and ability to label their emotions but also transports empathy with the situation the other person is in.

Reflecting needs attempts to get behind the emotions of the speaker and discover what his or her real needs are in the particular situation.

Reflecting needs allows the communicator to formulate what could be done in a particular situation and acknowledge that he/she has agency to change things.

Active listening can be implemented at any stage of the communication process and it can trigger a change in perspective and lead to ideas for change. Also, during the communication process we may realise that we simply do not share any common ground. At this point we should stop and implement active listening. This can open up communication and connect the speakers. After a while, we might then ask ourselves: At what point should we stop active listening? The answer here is usually that we stop active listening at the moment where we feel that the speaker has said everything, and that we have a fairly complete picture of the situation. Once this has been reached, the next step could be to attempt to resolve the misunderstanding or confusion. We might also describe the situation from our perspective and decide together what to do next. Real listening does not happen effortlessly and will always require a certain amount of self-discipline and commitment on the part of the listener.

With this in mind, let us return to our case study:
Imagine that, after some careful thought and analysis, the colleague in France decides to give her colleague in Germany a call and apply active listening, in which she reflects on both content and emotions. When she talks to him, she may, for example, recall that when she received the email she was in a stressful situation and it irritated her that the message to her was written in German (reflecting content and emotions). She may also say that she would like to hear more about how he calculated the figures as they both obviously have different results (reflecting content without judgment). Through this process, the colleague in German may introduce her to a calculation system that is unfamiliar to her, for example a system that includes wholly new financial positions. This open and judgment-free conversation may thus serve as a basis for the co-creation of meaning between the two of them.